So during the podcast episode 69, I remember talking about #ThroughTheNight which is a suicide prevention week campaign organised by the Samaritans Of Singapore. I remember telling you guys about the story that I decided to screenshot and post it up on Instagram and hope all of you will do the same, making this thing a whole year round instead. So this is the story I have posted up online. For those who don’t have my Instagram account.
Had a conversation with a taxi driver last night . Weirdly, it was around the subject of suicide. Not a funny conversation at all. It’s an interview with the vibe of Johnny Cash or R.E.M songs at Letterman and I was at the seat of Letterman sat. Didn’t do much talking and it is very terrible (because I am a bad comic wannabe).
Seems like the taxi uncle just reached his 20 years driving the taxi. He was a policeman, on his way to the peak of his career. However, like he was told by the prophet of his life, he had submitted his resignation letter 3 years later. During his last week of service, many times, he had almost made the headline news during his time, with a gun in his mouth and bits of his brains trickle down the wall of his house, He explained that there was no reason he could find for the suicidal thought and resignation. If there was one, it will have to be because he was dumb or stupid. He had a loving marriage at the point of time but it was getting more suffocating as the time had passed. His wife was getting possessive while he is a free spirit. It was the divorce that bound to happened. Like the Berlin wall that was bound to be tore down in 1989.
During the chat, he told me something that just won’t leave the back of my head. “Suicide take guts. It’s hard to pull the trigger. Not for the faint-heart nor an act of cowardice. Because you are going to venture into somewhere unknown with no turning back. Unlike travelling alone because when you travel, you know where your home is. There are still methods to go home. The train ride call death just don’t allow you to. While on your way to the one way journey, your life will pass-by. Unlike the ones you see in the TV where the the characters dies in situation that they can’t control. This time you are the conductor, you still have the power to pull the brakes. It is a rough journey because it is a guilt trip before you enter the tunnel. All you wanted is to hasten the trip to the cross the tunnel to the other side. However the time just slows down now and minutes feels like years. Time just hangs and dangles like an old friend that secretly hopes you won’t go. It always amaze me by the strength of the people who made the trip. It is a hard trip down. How miserable and rough your life have to be to not pull the brakes and turn to the other direction.
I am not saying that life is easy however it is getting better with the help of technology. You look at facebook, the pictures of your friends and you. They are smiling, so are you. That makes it easier. Imagine Death is a one way trip like a space rocket. It never come back, it is the shuttle that comes back. Life is like a flight, you have turbulence sometime but you always land.
Ever wonder why ghosts of a suicide person is always so angry or is always sobbing? Because they regretted about their suicide and never been able to turn back. Even if you are not religious, why risk the chance of crying or always in the state of anger when you are dead? You should be resting. If someone you know is tossing the suicidal thoughts, just tell him this, save the agony which last forever.”
[P.s It is a true conversation. Words used are slightly being exaggerated but in a nutshell it goes like this.]
For those who wants to know more about Samaritans of Singapore, you can go to here.
If you are in Singapore and you need help dealing with suicidal thoughts.
Please call: 1800 221 4444
I am not sure what to do if you are not in Singapore. However I do found a Wikipedia page if you are looking for help in various country. I think they are accurate. If not please, talk to your friends and family. Talk to someone you can trust. Remember you don’t have to be alone.